In the past several days I have either been apart of or over heard at least three conversations which brought forth the same question; "what's with men's fascination with blow jobs?"
In each case the question was initially erected by a woman, and in each case, even when men were a part of the conversation, no pinnacle answer ever burst forth. The question was raised, giggles ensued, and then there was either a moment of strange silence or examples were given of what lengths and girths men will go to for one. In two of these conversations, Clinton was brought up. But never was an answer supplied.
This got me thinking; why wasn't I or anyone else able to, at the very least, supply a reasonable answer to this question. The idea that a president would risk his and his wife’s political careers for oral sex certainly indicates that a serious answer should be looked for.
There are some easily dismissible answers; such as "it feels great" or "it doesn’t take any work [from the man's point of view, of course]." Vaginal intercourse feels great as well, and if a man's feeling lazy there are other positions in the book that take care of that.
Now I know some men who would claim that the joy of it comes from "keeping her from talking." However, I am of the opinion that it's more of a sexist joke than an actual reason why blow jobs are thought to be so important.
But jokes, especially sexist or racist jokes reveal the presence of insecurities held by the joke-tellers. So by making a disparaging remark against women as to why fellatio is so great, the joke-teller is hiding the real reason.
Well, what do men have to be insecure about when it comes to sex? Hmmm. Let me think, I know there's at least one thing, it's a big thing, commercials for it, ah yes…size. But I don’t think size is the real issue here. There's another insecurity that's more under the surface, one that is often overshadowed by the towering issue of size, and may even be at the root of size given the tangled vines of misconception and truth that sprout from this subtle insecurity.
This issue, which I'm sure many of you have guessed already, is the crux of my hypothesis: female orgasm.
In American society there is heavy emphasis placed on the man being able to "supply", "deliver", or "perform" in such a way as to ensure female orgasm. It's the root of every cliché post-coitus "was it good for you" question every man has ever asked. Even if you had a host of doctors give testaments to the world that a particular man was not the reason his lover couldn’t achieve orgasm and that there was a specific medical problem with the women…that man would still harbor his doubts.
Claims of masculine sexual prowess are telling such as; "I gave it to her good," "I wrecked her," and "I blew her mind" all imply that female orgasm was achieved and that the man takes full credit for doing so. The latter example especially, as it contains the past tense of our subject action and is often applied to non-sexual events and to either gender..."that anime blew our minds."
The male obsession with being the architect, the "divine creator", of female orgasm exists on such a scale that it is at least on par with the obsession for receiving fellatio if not more so. Yet while a man does his part to help bring about this event, it has more to do with the state of mind of the woman. And this is known, on some level, to the man. The essence of female orgasm is mystery, at least from the fragile perceptions of the man, and even if he does everything just “right” he may end the evening with a gentle pat on his back and a "that's okay."
The joke I referred can even been seen as an allegory to this issue. The punch-line essentially being to render the woman mute and one of the greatest indicators of reaching female orgasm (and a key to faking one) is through vocalizations. The sexist joke hides its honesty in a cloak of meanness.
This, I would argue, is the insecurity that drives the sometimes fanatical obsession with blow jobs. Because with fellatio there is absolutely no question as to who has which role; who is doing the pleasuring and who is being pleasured. There’s no partitioning of the man's mental faculties as exists during regular heterosexual intercourse where timing, holding back, angle, tempo and a host of other issues come to the forefront of consciousness all of which are occupied with hoping that his partner achieves orgasm while attempting to delay the inevitable.
This insecurity is what stifles an honest response to the question "why are men so obsessed with blow jobs?" What man wants to reply, "because bringing you to orgasm takes to much work"?